SL Lesson 2 peer revision

I am the organizer of Susie's newsBrought by a Draft Resolution
(Susie: the writer, Ding: the editor, Jessie: the reader)
1. the dialogue we discussed
[2010/03/23 19:32] Susie223 Chun: my story address
[2010/03/23 19:33] Susie223 Chun: who will be the reder,editor and og?
[2010/03/23 19:33] Ding Atolia: i am the editor
[2010/03/23 19:33] Susie223 Chun: ok
[2010/03/23 19:34] Susie223 Chun: so Ruby will be the reader?
[2010/03/23 19:34] Susie223 Chun: cos we should take different roles each time
[2010/03/23 19:34] Ruby Lysios: ok
[2010/03/23 19:34] Jessie Passerine: i'm the editor ding's the reader
[2010/03/23 19:34] Ruby Lysios: so i will be reader this time?
[2010/03/23 19:35] Ruby Lysios: or og\
[2010/03/23 19:35] Jessie Passerine: and ruby the or
[2010/03/23 19:35] Susie223 Chun: ok
[2010/03/23 19:35] Ruby Lysios: ok
[2010/03/23 19:35] Susie223 Chun: let's start
[2010/03/23 19:35] Ding Atolia: ok, i will be reader
[2010/03/23 19:35] Ding Atolia: and J is editor
[2010/03/23 19:36] Jessie Passerine: ok . there's a grammer mistake in p1
[2010/03/23 19:36] Susie223 Chun shouts: ?
[2010/03/23 19:37] Jessie Passerine: "said by " maybe dropping by would be more proper
[2010/03/23 19:37] Susie223 Chun: why is there a大喊?
[2010/03/23 19:38] Jessie Passerine: properer
[2010/03/23 19:39] Susie223 Chun: I don't think it's a grammar mistake...
[2010/03/23 19:39] Ding Atolia: maybe we use just said more common in report
[2010/03/23 19:40] Jessie Passerine: yes i meant that
[2010/03/23 19:41] Susie223 Chun: ok
[2010/03/23 19:41] Lucky Board: This prize wasn't claimed... so let's try a new magic letter.
[2010/03/23 19:41] Lucky Board: Next Prize: breeding coop
[2010/03/23 19:41] Lucky Board: Looking for a winner whose name begins with.... V.
[2010/03/23 19:42] Jessie Passerine: The document showed that the Taipei Municipal Government treated queers as epidemic virus, that’s why they were so angry.
[2010/03/23 19:42] Jessie Passerine: and that's why
[2010/03/23 19:43] Jessie Passerine: or the comma would be connecting two simple sentences
[2010/03/23 19:43] Susie223 Chun: ok
[2010/03/23 19:44] Susie223 Chun: why is the screen so dark?
[2010/03/23 19:44] Ding Atolia: i am wondering too
[2010/03/23 19:45] Susie223 Chun: any other miskates?
[2010/03/23 19:45] Susie223 Chun: 15minutes left
[2010/03/23 19:45] Ruby Lysios: world environment setting
[2010/03/23 19:46] Ruby Lysios: could be brighter
[2010/03/23 19:46] Susie223 Chun: got it
[2010/03/23 19:47] Jessie Passerine: I found the translation of 教育局 on the website of taipei government
[2010/03/23 19:47] Ding Atolia: as a reader, i get much information fro your story
[2010/03/23 19:48] Ding Atolia: from
[2010/03/23 19:48] Susie223 Chun: ?
[2010/03/23 19:48] Jessie Passerine: it's Departmnet of Education
[2010/03/23 19:48] Ding Atolia: it's pretty complete
[2010/03/23 19:49] Susie223 Chun: I thought department isn't for a city's government, but for a country
[2010/03/23 19:49] Susie223 Chun: well ,I see,thank you
[2010/03/23 19:51] Lucky Board: This prize wasn't claimed... so let's try a new magic letter.
[2010/03/23 19:51] Lucky Board: Next Prize: breeding coop
[2010/03/23 19:51] Lucky Board: Looking for a winner whose name begins with.... B.
[2010/03/23 19:52] Jessie Passerine: what about the term " New York City Department of Education"
[2010/03/23 19:53] Jessie Passerine: It's also for a city
[2010/03/23 19:53] Susie223 Chun: ok
[2010/03/23 19:55] Susie223 Chun: 5 minutes left
[2010/03/23 19:55] Ruby Lysios: well...
[2010/03/23 19:56] Susie223 Chun: Ruby?any opinions?
[2010/03/23 19:57] Jessie Passerine: In the next school year, relational content will appear in the textbooks. I think using the word relevant instead of relaional will be better.
[2010/03/23 19:59] Ruby Lysios: i think what you wite is very objective and without your personal feeling
[2010/03/23 19:59] Ruby Lysios: that's good
[2010/03/23 19:59] Susie223 Chun: thanks

2.At first Jessie thought that maybe in paragraph 1 "The gender equality education in Taipei falls back to 15 years ago due to the official document which was delivered to every middle school in Taipei by Taipei Department of Education a few days ago, said Lai Youmei, the chief secretary of The Gender Equality Education Association." we could say dropping by instead of said by Lai Youmen, but after our discussion we think me might use the word "said" because it's more common in News report.

The sentence "The document showed that the Taipei Municipal Government treated queers as epidemic virus, that’s why they were so angry" should be "The document showed that the Taipei Municipal Government treated queers as epidemic virus, and that’s why they were so angry"

After the remonstrance, Kang Zonghu, the director of Taipei Department of Education...we don't need to add the word "Taipei" because it is not the organization under the city.

In the next school year, relational content will appear in the textbooks. Jessie thinks using the word relevant instead of relaional will be better.

3. I think the news article written by Susie gives us lots of information; what she wrote was very objective and without her personal feelings. The article was also quite well-organized and we could see and understand the basic background through each paragraph clearly about gender equality education.